Mi Inspiración

               “When tomorrow comes, a day of pretending as if nothing happened will start once again”

               That is it, that’s what my life is all about I thought to myself. No one understands me, no one knows how I feel, no one even care. I live my life minding my own business, doing my own things, living my own world.

              

               Even some of my family members avoid me, they isolate me. They rarely hear my voice, and I don’t even go out as much as others do. It’s not that they hate me, or I didn’t try to talk or communicate with them. If I do, we never go along well. Almost everything will end up in a fight, or a cold war.

               “Just because you’re breathing, it doesn’t mean you’re alive”

               I never ask for my life to be as almost the same as living hell. Being isolated and hated by people around me just because of who I am and who I wanted to be. Everything I do would be wrong in their eyes. I live to be judge by them, all of those cruel things they did kills me softly, little by little.

               Because of that, I end up being a very quiet girl. While other children are playing happily together with their friend outside, I would be the only one staying inside reading or listening to music. I was able to read fluently at the age of five, which is actually a bit extra ordinary for the people in our family. Staying inside somehow doesn’t stop me from having enough information about the world outside. I love to read, which made me would read the newspapers that my father brought home every day. It was always in English, I had to refer to the dictionary every time I found a new, strange word. My parents had encouraged me to learn English since then.

               “Fight for the right to be you”

               As I grow up, I still prefer to stay quiet and be a listener because all of those things that happened to me long ago made me a person who hurts people with my words. But all of that was because of trying to protect myself from hurting. Still, no one understands why I am like this. They pretend to, but deep inside I know they don’t.

               Until one day, I came to know about this one person. I was 15 that time when I first know him. He taught me many things about life. He totally understands how a teenager like me feels as he had actually gone through the same thing as me. He became my inspiration. Every word that comes from him is like a motivation for me to keep going. He had played one of the very important roles in my life.

               “Your imperfection is perfectly beautiful”

              He taught me to appreciate myself and not to pay too much attention on the negative things that people say, as long as it’s not true. I’ve read so almost everything he wrote, making my respect grow bigger towards him. He deserves to be loved, he deserves to be people’s inspiration, and he is the best.

               Starting when I was 18, I would try to talk to him almost every day. I would ask questions or opinions but I never got any reply from him. Being a fan of all the songs he sings, all the lyrics and poems he wrote, I understand it very well if I don’t get any reply at all. However, it never stopped me to write to him as I usually do. And I have set my mind to actually meet him in person someday in the future.

               “Happiness is very simple and minimal”

               Indeed it is. As he said, happiness is very simple and minimal. It was one fine day during semester break that I had spent at home reading and living in my own world. It was that day when he posted something on his social account saying he would take some question. So many people had asked him at least three to five questions. I was just messing around, knowing all the questions or random things that I have posted towards him on that social network site had never been replied by him. I typed a question, again, to him.

               It didn’t even take one minute that my phone suddenly vibrates, making me to check my notification bars. I called my younger sister, who is also a fan of him to witness that miracle which actually happened. I couldn’t control myself that I breakouts in tears of happiness. My sister freaked out because she had never seen me like that. Among thousands of questions, there were only four questions that he answered. Daniel Armand Lee had finally responded to me. The person who I look up and respect all this time has actually noticed me even it was just for a very few moments. Those two words, “I wish.” Simple, but I will never forget it for the rest of my life.


Written by,
Rafidah