Competition make me BEAUTIFUL!

The best day in our daily life is when you did not know expect something can be your mine. Here i want to sharing about my experience before. Before that, i have a dream to join the competition like a Miss Tourism, Miss Malaysia, Kumang Gawai etc. Nobody can get this chance to join them because we need to audition first and they will choices us for a twice. So hard to join them especially the title of “MISS” always using a international language it is English because my english is so poor. For me, everything in the world is so hard to get but i’m never give up and try harder and more harder. One day, i got a good news from my mom where she mention about competition of Kumang Gawai in my village. Even though the competition is smaller event to hear, but i’m so excited to joined them and i tell my mom i wanted joined this competition. So, my mom register my name in the forms and she wanted me go back as soon as possible because that time i still at kuching and nothing to do. Then, my mom booking my ticket flight immediately. Can you imagine she booking my ticket before my competition started in early morning and the competition start that night. Everything gonna be in the same time! So tired mom...

I arrived safely in my village and then i rest for a while because that evening we need preparation of myself and rehearsal. Around  0600pm, i need go to shower first because i dont want to be rushing before when i’m wearing iban custom. Iban custom is very unique, amazing, too heavy and really hard to wear. Then, i start with a make-up and setting my hair carefully for sure my “SUGU TINGGI” is comfartable in my hair later. After complete my wearing my “NGEPAN”, i just seated until my mom complete wearing their dress and make-up. Actually, at that time i’m so nervous and don’t feel anything. Nothing! So, my mom know my face expression and she comes to me. She said “my beautiful princess, don’t worry about the others participants and just remember your dreams. You tell me before, u can do it and work harder what u wanted before. Pray a lot princess and you can get a powerful from him. Trust me” my mom said. So, i just woke up from my dreaming or sleeping after i hear she motivation. You are the best mom and supportive mom in the world.

During the competition, i just remember what my mom advice and motivation. I try harder to forget everything and i have a vision in my own life. My nervous will be reduce after i see my family always support me even they far or beside me. I’m really appreciate it and  i will showing the world i can do it and i want to see my mom smile again and again. I want my parents proud of me. I can see the environment so many people watching us and waiting our performance. So, the competiton is begin, and i’m participant number two from fourteen participants. So, the judges announce our name one by one and tell our family background, education, ambition etc. In my turn, be honest i’m so nervous because this is my first time i joined that competition and just remember try my best. That’s all! Then, i see my mom, it’s suddenly i can get a strength and i start feel comfortable in the stage and start catwalk. Too slowly catwalk because we body need to be same with the “SAPE”.

After finish it all, the give us rest for a while because the judges need to total the marks and who can be a winner in that night. Then, our emcee announce from below until the top. They not announce my name anymore even they already announce who get third place. So, they will announce a winner first and that’s time i so nervous and lastly they mention my name as a winner that night. I’m so excited and speechless for a while because i unbelievable it all. My mom so happy with me when her see me as a winner this competition. I’m really this moment and this my suprising experience in my life.

Prepared By :

Nyura anak Tedong

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Diversity Of Culture

After high school graduation, I went abroad for a year, which at that time was considered a very immature action as all of my friends went to University and but didn't  decided to go University. After finish the high school I decide to working in the restaurant and I get it. But when I returned home holiday for a while, I saw the letter from University and I choose to open the letter. And I was very surprised after saw the letter that told to register in the University. 

I go to the kitchen to tell my mother that how could the University letter was there. And my mom said that she was the one who signed up for the university. She also told again that she wanted me to futher my study. After hearing my mom explain, I stopped and had agreed to continue my study.

Before go to the University, I made a many form that I need  bring in the University. When I got to University, I was amazed and suprised to see how beautiful the university,about how their appearance, style and have diverse culture.This is very unexpected situations for me.

When started a class, I got a new friend and friend from diverse culture, race, region and their languages also make shocked. At my school before I just meet my Iban friend and Malay friend race only.

At my course, I have a many outside activity and I should go outside to do such assignment. When I went to the outside or the city, I’m very surprise and unexpected and I said to my friend “ The city is so beautiful and full of nature and culture. ”

    I thought back, " If I did not agree with my mom plan, I'll never know all this and I will definitely lose to get this opportunity".I am very grateful to be able to continue study again otherwise i would not have many friends from different races and also did not know about the others place!..

Kuching,Sarawak photos

Tourism Malaysia photos

Written by

Yenny Hasmida Binti Karim

Happiness at Its Peak

Written by : Dg Norfarini binti Datu Hassan (HM1114A)

“Depression is no longer my enemy, as it has become my best friend for a very long time.” I recall the words that I said to myself 7 years ago. I lay down on my dorm’s room as I was recalling the past and how far I have achieved to be who I am right now. I look up to the sky from my small windows, it looks so peaceful and it makes one’s heart to be at ease. “I wonder if life will be the same if I didn’t found my light.”  I say to myself while smiling at the sudden flashback of past memory.

I used to have an extreme depression ever since I entered high school. Guess it was puberty. However, on the second years of high school, I became more and more depressed. Unknowingly, without a legit reason I turned from once a cheerful kid into a quiet and emotionless being. I knew what I was experiencing was not just some puberty changes in a teenage girl’s body, it was something more than that. So I did my research and found out that I was experiencing some sort of a depressive disorder.

Well, I wasn’t surprised at all. I knew it all along however I whisper no word to a single soul. I did not even bother to talk to anyone about it, not even my parents. I shut myself from the outside world, I pushed my friends away and I hurt everyone who tried to break the walls that I built around my little world. My life was falling apart, it was slowly crumbling. I was turning into a monster, inhumane as I began to become emotionless and fell into the pit of darkness. However, that unplanned ‘event’ had changed my whole life forever.

It was summer when I was fifteen, the sun shone dimly and the cold morning breeze swept around my room through the opened windows. I was laying down peacefully on the floor, next to my bed. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and ended up curling up on the hard and cold floor. The sun’s ray hit the room and just a single spot was left in the dark, the spot where I was laying down. I was never fond with the light, be it the sun or the human-made lights. Well, it was probably just another effect from my ‘lack of expose in the sun’ throughout my high school years. My dad would sent me to school and when school’s over, he would picked me up with his usual antique Mercedes Benz.

That was how my life always been – the only time where I get to meet up and talk with my friends is when I’m in the school. My parents were pretty strict on letting me out without their supervision. I didn’t hate them for that, despite my lack of emotions and expression. I am still their filial daughter. I knew that they did it because they love me and worried that I might get myself hurt when I am out from their view. That was the one thing which I’m glad that I didn't lose when I caught myself in despair – my parents’ undying love.

I shrugged my thought off and it wasn’t long before I realized the sun was already up, it’s almost noon. I have been laying down for quite some time so I stood up and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. After some long and cold shower, I get dressed and went downstairs. I was greeted by my mom’s voice from the kitchen, “Oh honey, you’re up? Come, sit here. Breakfast’s done.” she said gleefully. I smiled as a response and settled down on the seat next to my dad who was reading the newspaper.

“So dear, don’t you have something to say to our lovely daughter here?” my mom said while nudging the side of my dad, signaling him to talk. “Something’s fishy.” I thought. I eyed them suspiciously and waited for an answer. “Ahem.” my dad coughed then he continued – “So your mom and I has planned to go to our hometown back in the Philippines and we were wondering if you would like to come along?” dad finished up his words with an anticipated face – well mom too.

There was a momentary silence before I decided to speak up. “Yeah I would love to.” I said while smiling genuinely to them. “It is decided then! We’re going tomorrow.” my mom clasped both of her hands in the air. “Wait a minute – what? You just told me that we’re going to the Philippines like one minute ago and now we’re off tomorrow? Unless – don’t tell me you guys already planned to drag me along even without my consent?” I said with a dim face. “You catch that pretty fast than I thought.” my mom chuckled innocently and ignored my question. I just sighed and finished up my breakfast since I knew that arguing with mom was no avail – she would be in the winning side.

The day passed by sooner than I thought and it was now time for our little vacation. I was waiting for my parents in the living room while they’re doing some last minute check-up on the house before we left. “Okay, everything’s ready, luggage, check, money, check, tickets and passports, check. What else? Oh! Doors and windows locked, check. Seems like we’re off to go!” my mom said while going down the stairs along with my dad who was carrying our luggage. My brother sent us to the jetty and we bid our goodbye there. The journey took around 12 hours using water transportation. I was asleep throughout the journey so I missed out many spectacular scenery or so said my mom. Well, i admitted it, I was rather disappointed to miss such opportunity to see the vast sea in such close-ups.

After some long haul trip, we finally reached the island where my parents’ were born and raised. It was amazing that no matter how many years had passed since they moved out from that small island to the big cities, they would still found some time to go back to where they belong. Upon arrival at the jetty there, we were greeted by smiling faces of my cousins, uncles and aunties. They were very welcoming and it would be rude of me if I didn’t return the favor. So I did. I smiled, like I never before. How I missed them. This wasn’t the first time I went to my parents’ hometown, I always came here to visit my grandma. Wait, grandma. Then reality hit me in the face, my grandma has already passed away. She passed away 2 years ago. “How could forget it?” I thought to myself. My face darkened and the warm smile plastered on my face faded away into a grim one.

“Hey what’s worng?” my mom noticed my sudden changes in mood. I looked at her with a teary eyes and said “Mom, grandma will never come back, will she?”. My mom froze in her spot when she heard that but then quickly covered it up and said “Don’t worry, your grandma is in a better place now. You have us here, me, dad, look even your aunties and uncles are here too! We are all here for you sweetheart. Don’t ever think that you’re alone cause you’re not. Yes, it was such a great loss but you know what? Your grandma once say this before I marry your dad, ‘When you have kids later, don’t ever leave their side and always, always be there for them. I can’t be there all the time to watch over my grandchildren but even when I’m gone, you must live on.’ That time I was too young to understand the real meaning behind it, but now I know. She was always thoughtful of others especially to her children. Raising 10 children alone after your grandpa’s death wasn’t easy but she never give up and so do you. Don’t give up on life just yet.” my mom said while tears rolling down to her cheeks. 

I was always a grandma's girl, from day one when I was born to the day she left me. I was always protected from harm and sorrow, never really knew what crying was till the day she passed away. Now I knew, the reason for all my sadness and emptiness this whole time. I was missing the warmth of the person I used to love even more than my parents. How naive I was to think that the society and the world that has changed me, but no it wasn’t. I was blinded by my emotions as I didn’t want to accept the harsh reality. I covered up my scars and buried down the memory of my grandma's death. It was all make sense now. I’m glad that I agreed to go to this vacation, I’m glad I have such supportive and understanding parents and I’m glad to have a family that will showers me with undying love no matter how awful and bad my personality turned into.

That day, I cried like there’s no tomorrow. I let out all the emotions that had been piling up inside me and decided it’s time to let go of the past. Throughout the vacation, my family never leave my side, each and every one of them tried their best to make me laughs, smile and happy like I was once before. I was overwhelmed by it. I spent my summer in the sunny and breezy weather of the Philippines with my cousins, playing in the beach like we used to when we were young and I must say this was the best time of my life ever since things started to become dark. I had found my light again. Life was starting to bloom into a beautiful flower. I put my hands on my chest and i could felt my heart beating fast, there's no emptiness anymore. I smiled, again for nth time. 

I think that if I haven’t gone to this vacation, I wouldn’t be able to move on. I would be stuck on being the usual emotionless girl who hides away from everyone and I would never learnt how beautiful life is at the other side of the world. There are things in life we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go.

“La vérité vaut bien qu’on passe quelques années sans la trouver”

Serendipity in Life

“Mom, I don’t want to grow up…” I still remember what I said to my mother thirteen years ago. I did not want to feel the hardship in life. All I thought was about to have fun and to live without the feeling of sadness and disappointment. I miss my life when I didn’t know the meaning of misunderstandings, fights and evil things in this world.

               Seconds passed. Minutes passed. Hours passed. Days passed. I was slowly growing up. Bit by bit, I learned about the hard life. I’ve been through the bitters in life. I’ve been through to too many complicated things that are difficult to be explained. Sometimes I felt that my life was too empty. But sometimes I felt that my life was too occupied with things that I shouldn’t be worried of.  And it was stuck in my head that my life would be very difficult to be cured again like before.

                In just a short period of time, I lived such a wonderful and a happy life nobody could have imagined. I remembered smiling and laughing with joy and delight, not knowing what does stress and depression mean, not knowing what fear and anxiety mean.

                But time was running so fast. All my life, all I’ve experienced was all fear and stress. The thing that haunted me the most was the judgments of others. Faces that keep pretensions. I always wanted to get rid of them. I kept on asking myself what is it that I did that made them act like that? Why and what should I do? Nobody wanted to eliminate the ego within them. Selfishness, stubbornness, evilness. How could they do this to a child? It has made the life of a child tainted with germs that could change her life forever. Even one word can hurt her and leave scars in her.

               It is my intention to experience the harmonious life and full of joy.  That was the first thing I really wanted since high school –to acquire a life of bliss. Keeps me wondering how others can smile sweetly and joyously.

“Don’t worry too much. That’s how life goes on. It circulates.” Mother has always been my supporter. She listened to me complaining and crying and yet very gentle and patient.  Serendipity has enriched my life intellectually and emotionally. It even stepped in and surprised me. This whole thing that happened to me has enhanced my life. It had made me stronger. By the same token, it turned me to a mature minded person.

              Since entering university, I found out that people are so different from each other.  They have different goals, different dreams and different way of life. I could now understand why some people act differently.  Judgment is one of the key to a successful life – if we look at the bright side. That’s how I can improve myself. Not all people are perfect but all people can wipe out the blemishes within them.

Thankfully, I could understand life gradually even though I couldn’t have what I really wanted. I’ve learned how to polish myself to be better. I didn’t expect to understand all this situations.  

This is serendipity. 

                                                                                                                                    Prepared by,
                                                                                                                                            Edith Edna

CAMPING TRIP

‘Wake up, c’mon. Wake my dear’ the soft sound of my mom waking me up. ‘You’re going late for camping trip if you do not wake up right now’. I can still remember how my mum used to wake me up when I was younger.  It has been 8 years since then but the memory is still fresh in my mind. When life is perfect there is this feeling of overwhelming smiles. Like I want to scream or yell just because my life is so incredibly perfect. This is what I had felt during my first camping trip in 2007.

It was Friday morning and it was school’s break, I woke up lazily but I needed to pull all spirit and get myself ready for my camping trip and I need to be enthusiastic and excited because it is my first camping trip! After I had my breakfast, my mum and I wait for the van that will be fetching us. After a while, the van came up and my mum helped me to carry me camping bags and equipment. First I felt like I want to cancel my camping trip with the church members but then my mum said I should try to be independent.

The ride is quite bumpy and boring because I was keep thinking about home as it is my first camping trip. When we reached the campsite, I am amazed with the surrounding and the people that welcome us. I wasn’t really excited for this camping trip because the first thing that came across to my mind was unappetizing vegetarian food and early morning stretching when we reach there.  Apart from that, the camping activities on the agenda were rather not appealing to me – well except for a few activities. In addition, I thought we were going to sleep in some small tents. However, all my perceptions became a false statement because after the first day of camp, I had totally fallen in love with the whole experience and the compassion from the people around.

The moment that I still remember and love the most is when we get the chance to socialize with the community and I had learned new things. I really can’t judge anything before I really try it and we had also learned how to make some handicrafts which is the main source of living to the community. When I was doing handicrafts, I was actually having fun. It really reminded me when I was a little kid and the carefree things we did and we enjoy what we have.  Then as for the team activities, I couldn’t ask for a better team and better competition. The best part was that it really didn't matter who won the game or who got the ball the most or who was the best. All that mattered was that everyone got to play and had a blast.

Some of the campers that I’ve known during the ice breaking session shared some of their experience during the activities and they were like "Look at my friendship bracelet." "Look at this awesome dance move." "Wanna hear this joke?" I was so thrilled that they had so much fun and how excited they were when they told me their stories. I really look up to the passion and spirit of the people here, be it young or old.  There is a unity among us and I can say that we were close like brothers and sisters. Just seeing all the similes and laughs this entire time, this made me never want to leave this moment.

Camping is one of the best things that happen to me where I get the chance to socialize with the community and I had managed to be independent when I’m away from home. I was truly blessed with the people that I had met at the camp. This whole experience also make be more confident and increasing my personal awareness among the community around us. On that night, after the activity ended, I hugged every single person in that room. I had no idea who tapped me, but I knew that I truly loved every person in that room. Whenever I feel lonely and worthless, the memories will forever turn my emotionless pout into that same goofy grin.

Prepared by: Andrea Umang

Last Words

                     I took out my phone to call the number back. The phone had been on the silent mode for 2 hours.  I noticed an unusually large number of missed calls. I try to call the number back  but nobody answer ,and I try it again and again, finally the owner of this number pick up the phone call.

“Hello” sound is women. 
 I’m trying to recognize the voice but I don’t know who speaking. I just keep silent  for a few second. 
“Simon? Are you there?  It’s me..” . Her speak again to me. I little bit nervous because she know my name. I’m still waiting for the name from her.

“It’s me Simon! Santa, I’m cousin  friend” Santa? I want to recall my mind back who is Santa? “Santa….?” I not really sure either I remember her or not. It is because I’m very tired today with the part time job at my auntie restaurant.  “Mumo! How dare you don’t recognize me? “ What she said Mumo? That my nickname among the family relatives .
Oh May God is Santa.  Automatically, my brain start to function and now I know her! The only one daughter of my Jackson  uncle it’s pretty Santa! Finally we’re in the nice conversation.  She asked me “ did you receive the  wedding card invitation Simon?”. The line was cut off.   

A  week after , I went to Bintulu with my family to visit my grandma. Actually, we had received wedding  card  invitation  one week  before our vacation to Bintulu.  One of my cousin getting Married on 14 February 2012 and her receptionist at Kemena Hotel.  I still remember that  Santa calling me and invite ours family to attend her wedding. It’s was funny and I just keep smile along the journey to reach the destination.  At 2pm we arrive at my grandmother house which is at Tanjung Kidurung, Bintulu.

 I saw a lot of people in the house and they were my relative family at my mother side. First thing I need to do is to find my lovely grandmother. I missed her so much.  But, I was shocked to see the grandma was laying down, looking so pale and weak. Auntie Helmy said that “ lately your grandma always got sick”. I saw the grandma and trying to talk with her. She just smiles and speaks the word one by one. 
Tonight we’re stay at grandma house and I could sense a hesitation. That night I sleep early because the next day I need  meet santa before her wedding at night.

I reached the beautiful room of Kemena Hotel Bintulu early in the morning.  The sun was trying to come out. I meet  my cousins and relative. This room  book by father special for six of us, which is Syura, Ledia, Anung, Rijil, Tina and Jack. When we all met up, the wildness and fun adventure begins.

“You’re beautiful” grandma said while saw the Bride. Santa just smile and hug a grandma at the make-up room. Santa need to bend her body to reach grandma since she was in a wheelchair. I can see how sincere grandma was whenever she entertain others, be it young or old. She had this warm smile that made people to like her even more. “while everyone is here, I would like to said that I love yours all and make your mom and dad proud of you” last word from grandma before the auntie Helmy took her away. I notice that all people in the  make-up room was her grandchildren.

Santa and her husband Dominic very stunning on that night with the beautiful wedding costumes.  All people were happy during the  receptionist.  Around 11.30pm the guest started to go home one by one leave the Hotel hall. Jack, me and my sister  decided to stay at hotel. We’re chit chat till the 1a.m.  

 Suddenly, we heard someone called out my sister’s name.  There was a momentary silence.

“We need to sleep now!”  Jack told us off.

We woke up early this morning because  we’re planning to swim in the pool. Around  6.33a.m Jack receive the call from someone. Sound is not good, and I can see his face became a mess from all the crying. Syura said “ What wrong?”

“Grandma passed away” Jack said weakly.

                  I personally seem to be going through a very tough period of my  life. I have been to more mournings in the last 3 years ago, than in my entire life before that. Why do God have to take away the nicest grandma I ever had.. I do not understand.  But for now, I can only pray to God that this will be a life lesson that is worthy to the whole family and to give us the strength to withstand this unbearable loss. Until now I still remember the last words from grandma which is “Make your Mother and Father proud of you”. I realized that I need to struggle to achieve a successful life.

                                                                                                              Prepared by

                                                                                                                Simon Kiai